Thursday, April 22, 2010


I really feel like reality bites, a lot, and hard. Not always just sometimes.
So far this year has been not so good. Just about the time I think things are getting better then reality lifts its heads and bites me.

Fighting with the daughter. Step-Father-in-law dying. I fractured my wrist. Fighting with the daughter. Truck broke down and will cost more than I care to mention. Fighting with daughter. And now niece having brain surgery because the procedure to help her with a tumor caused her to bleed out. Oh and did I mention fighting with the daughter?

As you may know I have been working on quitting smoking. I have done pretty darn good. But I caved and am smoking a little here and there. Sometimes the stress is just to much and I want to smoke. I know, smoking doesn't help it just makes things worse, but sometimes there is no reasoning with my smokers mind. I am trying hard to stay on track.

I want to be successful but man it can be hard when reality is biting and biting hard.

My niece will be fine, God was with her and the surgeons last night. The truck will get fixed, after I turn loose of the money and son finds the time to do the work. My wrist is up in the air, doctor is waiting to see what the next step is.

My daughter needs to make a big change in her life, but isn't ready to. Once she has made this change she will be her old sweet loving, caring, kind self. I saw a sign of the daughter I know and love, so she isn't completely gone. But now she is lashing out at others, not just me. She can be b****y to me, but not to the others. I won't stand for this.

Lord help me get her through all this and give me strength not to kill her or the guy she is with. Please open her eyes and let her see what she is doing and who she is hurting. Lord help me not to pick up another cigarette and smoke it. Give me the strength to turn away from them and not look back.

I have enjoyed being cigarette free, well except for the moments of high stress. I can breath, I can taste things, I can smell the fresh air and spring flowers. My breathe is fresh and minty, my clothes smell like my perfume. My hair smells good. I have found that not smoking is not that hard, I have enjoyed not smoking for the most part.

So back at it I go. Can someone make reality take a break for a week or so, please.

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